Episode 236 | Why Your Outward Achievements Don’t Soothe Inner Emptiness with Kasey Compton

Maureen Werrbach (00:00:01) – You’re listening to the Group Practice Exchange podcast, where the business development resource for group practice owners, where we talk candidly about business ownership and leadership. I’m your host, Maureen Werrbach. 

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Hey everyone, welcome to another episode! I am super excited for those of you well, one who follow me on social, you know that my podcasting is batched and that this week I’m doing.

Maureen Werrbach (00:01:25) – Or today I should say I’m doing ten interviews in a row and my first one of the day I’m super excited for is Casey Compton. All of you I know in my audience already know who she is, but we’re going to be talking about her upcoming book that is coming out really soon, and so I’m really excited to just chat with her about the why behind this book, because it’s so different than your other one. So. Hey, Casey. All right, so your newest book, In Search of You is you said coming out and you say March or May. Yeah. March. March 12th. Mhm. Yep. Okay. So obviously everyone in my audience knows you for a similar reason to me, which is practice building. And you’ve written a book that is related to business. And I’m really intrigued by this one. I got to read the book. So I already know you know what’s in the book, but I’m really intrigued by the fact that you wrote something so different and like non businessy and so well, one maybe take us on a quick little journey of kind of the meat and potatoes of the book, and then also just what got you to wanting to write a book about this? Oh, Meat and potatoes is it’s a book for women who.

Kasey Compton (00:02:39) – Are most likely high functioning overachievers, very goal oriented, driven, a lot of entrepreneurs that kind of had that in mind as I was writing, but continue to go, go, go, go, go. And they’re searching for something to fulfill them. And for a lot of people, they think that business success is what’s going to do it, or, you know, setting goals and reaching those goals or hitting those milestones. It’s going to give you that feeling of fulfillment and joy. And for me, it didn’t. And there is a big question, you know, before writing the book of like, if I’ve done all of this and I still don’t feel it, then what’s it going to take? And so the book is really about the journey of looking inward to seek that fulfillment, self-love and joy and really how you can use that to just feel better, live a happier life, and still do all of the business things, but doing them with more intention and with more, I would say reward.

Kasey Compton (00:03:47) – It feels more rewarding once you have love and joy.

Maureen Werrbach (00:03:51) – What prompted you to write this specifically?

Kasey Compton (00:03:55) – Yeah, I mean, it’s literally an open book. I mean.

Maureen Werrbach (00:03:58) – I’m so surprised when I read it, I was like, oh, this is like the story that like, the people you feel closest to would know, but the readers are going to get a real deep dive into you.

Kasey Compton (00:04:10) – Yeah. And I did pare it back. Some, believe it or not, in a lot of ways I had to keep in mind, like, my children are going to read this one day or so soon. And so there are some things that I either just left a little bit or left out completely just because my kids are going to read. But what prompted me to write it was it was so ironic because the culmination of Fix the Snacks for Health Care when that book launched, it should have been the happiest, most fulfilling time of my life. But what people didn’t know is that there was all kinds of hell and chaos going on behind the scenes.

Kasey Compton (00:04:50) – And, you know, everyone was asking like, well, what are you going to write next? And my editor and book coach AJ was like, okay, what’s the next one going to be? Because you got to keep going. And I’m just thinking, like, my head is not in business right now. I just can’t do it. And one of the things when I was doing fix the snacks was I got really into the stories and remembering things about the past that I as a I don’t know, I mean, I don’t know if this is normal for business owners or women entrepreneurs or what, but I’m just very focused on the forward. I don’t go in the past very often. I don’t think about stuff, but it brought about all of these memories and for some reason it was just like, I needed to stick with that anyway. So that’s kind of how the book got started and was actually supposed to be a book about systems. Believe it or not, the book I think Emily and I counted.

Kasey Compton (00:05:47) – We wrote a total of four complete manuscripts during this process. Yeah, so fix this. Next took me five weeks from start to finish to write.

Maureen Werrbach (00:05:59) – Holy moly, I did not know that. How did I not know that it did?

Kasey Compton (00:06:03) – It was. It was so fast. But so here.

Maureen Werrbach (00:06:05) – I am with my book. It’s. A year and a half in, I am 250 pages through. I’m pretty much close to done, but holy moly, five weeks probably. Wait, how long did this book take you?

Kasey Compton (00:06:17) – This one took about a year and a half.

Maureen Werrbach (00:06:19) – Oh yeah? Well, which I feel like makes sense. I mean, it’s way more personal and vulnerable and in depth than a book like Fix This next.

Kasey Compton (00:06:28) – Right. Well, in the lot of it, in the very beginning of the book, I write a letter to the reader and I tell you as the reader, like, look, a lot of this was written in real time. And so I knew that the process of writing was going to have to take longer, because I was writing about my present state of mind and being.

Kasey Compton (00:06:49) – And so it was hard. Like, I just like to get stuff done, you know, fast when it comes to doing things. So it was it was very difficult and it required a lot of patience, but it allowed a lot more to be in my rearview. And so I was able to make more connections, make more meaning, make more of the things that, you know, I’ve been needing to do all along.

Maureen Werrbach (00:07:09) – You write a lot. What I like is each chapter has like a phrase like part of the title, you know, that like tells you sort of the story, but it’s like, you know, a Casey ism, the way it’s even written. I’m forgetting now because I read the book so long ago. The one that stands out is about your dad. It’s a chapter on your dad, and there’s like a phrase that you used that like it just reels you in to want to know about it. But I was gonna say each chapter sort of talks about a different point in your life, whether it’s in the past or current, and then it weaves in how personal fulfillment or achievements have or have not supported your overall feeling of like happiness or contentment.

Maureen Werrbach (00:07:53) – Tell me, what was the biggest thing that you maybe learned about yourself as you’re writing? So you said you were writing this like in real time. So it wasn’t like you are the expert of, you know, writing about this. You were kind of knee deep in it. Yeah.

Kasey Compton (00:08:06) – Oh, man, there’s a lot there’s so many epiphanies that happened to me over that whole period of time. I learned a lot. Okay. So, you know, I was one of these people who is a licensed therapist but had never really been in therapy. And so as I’m writing, I’m in therapy. I have three different therapists at this time, like working through different things with each one of them. So I learned a lot about, you know, like how my childhood and my upbringing has influenced who I am more than I ever realized. And I learned about generational trauma. I learned how I was inadvertently influencing my children and the people in my life because of generational trauma that I had to recognize.

Kasey Compton (00:08:58) – There’s some stories in the book about maybe singing about how, you know, one of the things I remember in my childhood was my mom saying, turn off the music, turn off the music, turn off the music. Like I had these, these voices. And they became part of me thinking that joy had to be quiet, happiness had to be quiet. And I’d tell a story about how my daughter basically I taught that to my daughter without meaning to, and I had to be like, oh, nope. Yeah. You know, without going through this process and really looking back, I would have never been able to make those connections. I learned defense mechanisms that I used. I learned so much about just myself. You know, I show up in relationships, which you may think, oh, what does that have to do with business? But it had everything to do with business, because the way that I operate my business now is very different than it used to be, because of how I learned so much about just my go tos and relationship dynamics.

Kasey Compton (00:10:03) – Whether it doesn’t even have to be romantic. I mean, it could just be like a work relationship. So just, gosh, I can’t. There’s that’s just a loaded question every I just figured.

Maureen Werrbach (00:10:13) – But that’s a lot of things.

Kasey Compton (00:10:14) – Yeah, it’s not even the same. I am the same person really in a lot of ways.

Maureen Werrbach (00:10:19) – So you had mentioned in the beginning that this is a book for women, and it would be a great book, especially for women entrepreneurs or business owners or leaders. What insights do you feel like will be gleaned by, you know, I think about just myself as a business owner and in the past year, also coming to some realization around burnout. I recently did a podcast episode on it where I took a month off in 2019, summer of 2019, right before Covid, and went to Costa Rica and literally did no work at all. Not even an email. Nothing. And I came back and like immediately was within a day back into that same burnout. It was like, this makes no sense.

Maureen Werrbach (00:11:00) – And realizing that it had less to do with taking time off for vacations, or seeing friends or doing hobbies or all this stuff. And. More to do with doing things with intention or with purpose, and like looking at how the things I do in my business is that they’d gone sort of off alignment in terms of my own needs and that that just kept that burn out for like a handful of years further. So I guess I, in reading your book and thinking about how like, it’s really easy for women and female leaders and business owners to sort of feel like achievement is a way that they can prove themselves to the world. Right? What are some of the things that you feel like this book can sort of be the antidote for that? Well, one of.

Kasey Compton (00:11:42) – The things that it helps to do is bring about your own internal messaging about your life and your why, or your reasons for being a business owner, for example. I learned that because of the family dynamics growing up in my household, I have this weird, unhealthy need to take care of men.

Kasey Compton (00:12:11) – As ridiculous as that sounds. You know what I’m saying? I literally watched it my whole entire life. Or my grandma to my mom, to my sister, like every woman in my life, is a very independent, thinking driven, hard working woman. And in many situations they took care of men, whether it’s financially, you know, emotionally, physical, whatever, in, in every way. And, and I think for me, I tend to think a lot about like, why am I doing this? Like, am I trying to take care of here? And making a lot of those connections led me to realize that I was doing a lot of things in my business for other people other than myself and my kids, and so that helped a lot with the mindset that would help prevent burnout. But I think what you said is a good takeaway from the book. It’s really about finding balance and finding balance in all parts of your life, you know, having a fulfilling relationship. Also, I had never experienced intimacy.

Kasey Compton (00:13:20) – You know, I did not realize that intimacy and honesty and truth were connected. And so no wonder I never felt intimacy because I’ve never had honesty and truth in my relationship. So like, all these little things help me to put my role as a business owner in perspective a little bit more. It allowed me to remember why did this in the first place. I did this for flexibility, autonomy, being able to make choices. We’re probably a lot alike and like, I want what I want and I want to do what I want to do, and that’s why I did this. But yet, like, we end up so trapped by our businesses and even realize it.

Maureen Werrbach (00:14:03) – Yeah. You mentioned that you are so different in how you lead in your business. Now. What’s changed? How are you leading differently? And obviously, how did that book kind of bring that to fruition? So the book.

Kasey Compton (00:14:15) – Was not like this was not an intentional thing that I was trying. It wasn’t like I sit down, I was like, okay, I want to be a better leader in my business here.

Kasey Compton (00:14:23) – I’m going to do some research and whatever it really came about in therapy and just recognizing patterns. So I realized that in a lot of ways, I was leading from a fear based mindset where I was making decisions or not making decisions out of fear that, you know, someone was going to leave or, you know, if someone did quit, then it was going to hurt the business, or that I was going to have to fire someone. And I realized that that was coming from a lot of abandonment issues and abandonment trauma growing up. I was getting triggered very easily when it came to people leaving. I tell the story about the suitcase and the book. When Kelsey walked down the stairs carrying a suitcase and it like, sent me into this weird. Like I was not even in my own body and realizing, oh my gosh, like I’m being triggered by a suitcase. And then we figured out why and then realizing how that translates into my business. Like when someone leaves the business or, you know, just all of the things that I had in place of scarcity and fear that I had to put myself in check.

Maureen Werrbach (00:15:38) – So I think is something a lot of us, at least in our industry, and I’m sure that translates beyond ours experience, too, so I can see that being helpful. What strategies have you noticed that’s been helpful for women who lead, who are like actively trying to work on or maybe have recognized that their outward achievements, their success feels like there’s like a never ending. Like the bar just keeps going higher and higher of like, I’m going to feel good when this happens. What things have you learned are helpful in what got you to realize? Yes, this continues. Growth is actually that’s never going to lead me to eventually not feel empty or to eventually feel like happy about my success. What is the antidote? I know you mentioned working through, you know, childhood traumas or looking at things that maybe are a part of your upbringing that sort of bring that line of thinking into play and like how to deconstruct that. What else did you notice played into it?

Kasey Compton (00:16:38) – A lack of self-love. So I think we’re in any time where we find ourselves.

Kasey Compton (00:16:45) – And this is tricky because I would never want to discourage a hungry entrepreneur, you know, like if you’re out there, like really hungry, it doesn’t mean that you have all kinds of problems. You know that there’s a difference.

Maureen Werrbach (00:17:01) – Between hungry and enjoying the, like, the hunt or whatever, versus like being hungry because there’s something missing and you feel like that drive of like finding what’s missing is going to be found through hunger.

Kasey Compton (00:17:14) – True, true. Well, in another point, there is I realized I was doing this a lot. I was super motivated and I was over functioning and overworking. I believe in, in a lot of ways as a distraction from the failings and the reality. That was my life, like my whole life that I was just trying to avoid. And that checks with attachment styles and all of that and, you know, realizing, okay, I tend to have an anxious avoidant attachment style. That’s really how I was showing up in my personal life. So I think it’s more about just like trying to figure out what is your motivation, like, what is it that you’re truly doing and how is it making you feel, and is that feeling lasting? I mean, of course you’re going to feel happiness if you check that box or, you know, do the thing that you want to or hit that million dollars or hit that 2 or 3 or 4 or 5.

Kasey Compton (00:18:16) – But how long does that last? And for me, it was just not sustainable. And so every time I would hit one milestone, I was already creating another one. Yep.

Maureen Werrbach (00:18:26) – Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Okay, my last question for you. Have there been instances where the act of you being active in creating meaning for yourself, post maybe writing this book, or since writing this book, like changed your perspective on things or influenced your life choices in a different way. Um.

Kasey Compton (00:18:49) – It’s allowed me to. I find myself much more present now.

Maureen Werrbach (00:18:54) – You sound different.

Kasey Compton (00:18:55) – People tell me that all the time.

Maureen Werrbach (00:18:57) – Yeah, I mean, the audience might not know what I know you to some degree. I’ve come and visited you a few times in Kentucky, and we’ve seen each other both from a professional space and in a fun space, and I feel like I can tell just how you interact, at least in this instance, feels different from the case of a few years ago.

Kasey Compton (00:19:18) – Yeah, and it’s crazy because I had such a lack of awareness of it then.

Kasey Compton (00:19:24) – I do feel different, but people tell me that all the time, and so I think it definitely has. I can tell the differences in my relationships with my children being more present with them, and that’s always been something that I’ve struggled with, is one like, I have ADHD, I’m always like, you know, whatever. So just focusing and being present has always been difficult for me. But there is definitely been this major shift in slowing down in like being seeing things differently, like a few things differently. I laugh at things differently. The meaning behind things is just different for me. I found myself investing more in a therapist in a different way that I’ve never done before, and they noticed that. So I think it’s all really linked back to self-love. And that was the big part of the book and the very beginning I’m telling this story about. I go to therapy for the very first time, and the therapist asked me a question I can’t answer, and I feel like an idiot, you know, I don’t know, I just don’t know.

Kasey Compton (00:20:38) – And I felt like my teenage daughter, I don’t know, I don’t know.

Maureen Werrbach (00:20:43) – Yeah, I just got a teenager now and yeah, it’s it’s like, yeah, I actually am slightly amused because I see myself in them because I also was a little bit of a shitty teenager, unhappy, not knowing, you know, what I wanted out of life and just feeling like a little cranky about things and like, oh, this is what I get. It’s kind of I kind of laugh at it, actually. When I see it, I’m like, I. Can’t even be too mad at your snotty ness right now. Me too. I think it really.

Kasey Compton (00:21:09) – Triggered by her little snarky behavior. And then now I’m just like, that’s me, you know?

Maureen Werrbach (00:21:17) – Yeah.

Kasey Compton (00:21:18) – You know? Whatever. Yeah. I show up differently from my kids. I’m more patient in general. It’s just different. Like, my fuse is longer and it has to be just the ability to love yourself despite your past, despite your flaws, despite all those things, and find a way to incorporate and use that to become a better business owner.

Kasey Compton (00:21:42) – Because I still need to pay the bills. You know, I didn’t want to lose my motivation and drive. Yeah, I just feel differently from the work that I was doing.

Maureen Werrbach (00:21:50) – Yeah, I feel like to the point that we made earlier in the episode of what’s fueling that desire and that, you know, growth in the business. Is it from a scarcity space? Is it from people pleasing and doing what we think other people want from us? Is it strictly only for financial gain or to like, get that dopamine hit of success consistently, or is it more in alignment with who we are? And that same growth can still, you know, potentially happen, but from a more like heart centered and intentional space, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Kasey Compton (00:22:28) – Well that’s it. That’s what the questions people I want people to kind of ask themselves. Yeah.

Maureen Werrbach (00:22:32) – Okay. So what can people do to support you? One because I am all for supporting our fellow entrepreneurs in any way possible. But then also especially for women that are listening to this, where can they find a book?

Kasey Compton (00:22:47) – Couple of things.

Kasey Compton (00:22:48) – So we we set a big lofty goal. Our goal is to sell 10,000 books on launch day or in preorders count to this launch day. So that’s huge. I said it with confidence, but I made the promise. Now I’m kind of freaking out about it.

Maureen Werrbach (00:23:06) – So wouldn’t be an entrepreneurial journey if there wasn’t a little freak out there.

Kasey Compton (00:23:11) – No. It’ll happen. So it could pre-order the book. It’s gonna it’s really gonna be everywhere. It’s on Amazon right now. But if you prefer like Barnes and Noble or Books-a-million or any of those places or, you know, indie bookstores that are close to you, that they should be carrying them, it’s distributed by Penguin Random House. So it’s got distribution all over. So pre-ordering the book would be wonderful if you wanted to get more involved and want an early copy of the book. We have a couple of options if you want to join our launch team. We have lots of cool swag that’s going to be sent out. Shirts, fanny packs, I.

Maureen Werrbach (00:23:47) – Some some of the swag. You’re always have always been really good. I love the swag. Yeah.

Kasey Compton (00:23:55) – Sure. I mean I got it all. And then so you find that on our website just go to Cassie carleton.com. You can sign up for a launch team. Or if you’re a book club person and want to host a book club, we have like a book club kit where we give you lots of cool stuff too.

Maureen Werrbach (00:24:09) – Oh that’s smart.

Kasey Compton (00:24:10) – Yeah, yeah.

Maureen Werrbach (00:24:12) – All of that.

Kasey Compton (00:24:13) – Lots of options, lots of opportunities to help us support this.

Maureen Werrbach (00:24:17) – Okay. And I know I mentioned it sort of in passing at the beginning, but the book is called In Search of You by Cassie Compton. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on and talking about it. Well, it was nice seeing you again.

Kasey Compton (00:24:30) – And I’m glad I was the first today.

Maureen Werrbach (00:24:33) – And you got me fully energized. Yeah.

Kasey Compton (00:24:36) – I got my energy patch on. So I was.

Maureen Werrbach (00:24:39) – Gonna ask you after recording ended, but now that you just said this during the recording, I.

Maureen Werrbach (00:24:44) – So for those listening, because you can’t see us as Casey was talking halfway through, I saw this red square on her wrist and I was like, is that a new tattoo? Because it was like, really quick. Your hand kind of moved and it looked like a big red tattoo. And I was gonna ask as soon as this ended, like, I don’t think you have any tattoos, right? I don’t remember ever seeing one. And I was like, this is very, you know, ballsy. I’ve heard. So get her first one right on the wrist and the bright red. What is it?

Kasey Compton (00:25:08) – No, it’s. Listen, these things have saved my life. For real. It’s called Vitamin Patch Club. There are these patches that you can just put on your skin, and they have them for energy, for just regular vitamins, for biotin, all the different things. But anyway, ever since I’ve been wearing these, I have not had like any major sicknesses, my energy levels are through the roof.

Kasey Compton (00:25:34) – I must have been like vitamin deficient for the last ten years. I don’t know, but they absorb through your skin so they don’t get digested through your stomach and.

Maureen Werrbach (00:25:43) – You say spelled.

Kasey Compton (00:25:44) – It’s called Vitamin Patch Club.

Maureen Werrbach (00:25:47) – Oh, look this up. I’m so real.

Kasey Compton (00:25:49) – Like, get the bundle. Yeah, you get energy. But they are the best things I have ever like. Your focus is better, your clarity is better. You sleep better. Everything.

Maureen Werrbach (00:26:03) – Yeah, this might help because I have such a. I’m getting my Adderall because of the shortage, so I haven’t taken it in so long and I could use something that they really.

Kasey Compton (00:26:14) – They really do. Yeah. Try it. Let me know.

Maureen Werrbach (00:26:16) – Yeah. All right. Well, thanks for coming on.

Kasey Compton (00:26:18) – No problem. Thanks for having me.

Maureen Werrbach (00:26:22) – Thanks for listening. Give us five stars on whatever podcast streaming service you use and I’ll see you next week.